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Give Me Infield Or Give Me Death
by Dave
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Debra writes in with the following question:"I ran across your website while searching for information on how important the centerfield position is in girls softball. You give some good advice, so I thought I would ask your advice on my daughter's situation.
She plays for XXXXX. She moved up from the 10U team she played on last year, along with 4 other girls. She played first base for the entire season for the 10U. Now, she has been moved to centerfield and hates it because she claims there is no action and she is bored. Even though she made 3 key catches in the tournament we played this past weekend, she still does not want to play outfield. She believes the elite players are chosen for infield. Although my husband and I have tried to talk to her about it, she cannot be convinced that they put her out there because they need her there, she thinks it's because they think she is no longer needed / wanted in the infield. Can you give some advice on how to help her learn to like her new position and have fun playing the game. She has asked if she can quit the team, but we told her she made a commitment and she needs to finish the season. It's not that she does not enjoy playing, it's not feeling respected for all her efforts in the past. My husband talked to the coach, and his response was if she wants to quit, then she should quit. He does not feel the need to have a conversation with my daughter about how she is feeling.
Any advice you can give would be appreciated!"
Gee whiz, I'm not sure I can give you the best advice for dealing with your 11 year old daughter. I'm sorry to take so long to get back to you but I had a lengthy, very lengthy, phone conversation and I just couldn't get to it quickly enough. I was stuck on the phone with the mother of our centerfielder who was calling to complain about her daughter getting "stuck" out in the outfield. She (the mother) thinks infield is where the good kids play and she'd like to see her kid moved there. She doesn't get why her daughter is being penalized. She's a very good shortstop but if the girl playing that is better than her (she is), perhaps she could see some time in another infield position? She also noted that whereas on Sundays I play the other kid 100% of the time at SS, maybe her kid should get the lion's share of action there on Saturdays!
(Can you imagine that? We're a competitive travel team and a parent thinks her kid should play more short on Saturdays since the other kid plays there on Sundays? Can you say prima donna? How about what is good for the team? How about making sure our shortstop is ready for Sundays?)
Debra, you and your husband are at least in the game - you understand that there is no insignificant place on the field. You at least understand that there are alternatives to playing. The parent I spoke with just doesn't seem to get it. Honestly, I get tired of dealing with people who didn't play the game, perhaps never competed in any real sport before. Where I come from, that attitude gets you benched.
When I coached recreational softball, I had a golden rule for my players. Don't ask but please answer. I told my team that I never wanted to hear the phrase "can I play ___ position." I told them I didn't ever want to hear anyone asking to play a particular position and if I did, that would cause them never to play that position. I told them that when I ask what position they would like to play, they could tell me but other than that, there was never a reason to say "can I play ..." The rule was followed and things worked a lot better than they would have otherwise.
For those who do not understand what I'm talking about, please consider that it has always been bad form on the diamond to ask to play a position. If the coach wants to know, he or she is perfectly capable of asking. That rule actually applies to every other sport I have ever played or coached as well. You may ask school teachers or other people who interact with your kids for this or that. You may have experiences in life where you don't get what you want unless you ask for it. But that has never been acceptable conduct on any sporting field with which I am familiar. My advice to you is just don't do that. Instead, get out of the ranks of rank amateurs and learn what proper conduct is on the diamond. It never involves asking to play a position or threatening to quit if you don't get your way. Even when it works for the short-term, know that in the longer run, you have very much established a reputation with the coach, one you will probably not benefit from.
Now that I have vented a bit, back to your question. You note that your daughter believes "the elite players are chosen for infield." I think you get it but, in case you have any doubt, that's just not the case. I may have already posted this, perhaps recently, but where the best players play is not infield vs. outfield. If you take a look at what college recruiters look for it goes something like this: pitcher, catcher, shortstop, centerfield, hitter, everybody else. You can argue the order of the top 4 or nominate other positions for consideration but I doubt you can produce a majority of opinion that any other position rates with the these four. I spent perhaps the better part of my hour long conversation with the parent trying to explain that but you can lead a horse to water ... Some people think that because they played a couple years in the old men and women's church slow pitch league, they understand the sport.
The simple fact is centerfield is not a position to feel undervalued while playing. Good CF's are hard to come by. Generally, I put my second string shortstop there because she's the only one with the speed, the savy, the arm, etc. to play the position. I can put a mediocre arm at second, someone with less mobility at third or first, and someone with less overall ability in right or left. But when I'm in an elimination game, I want a very gifted, skilled, and athetic player out in center.
A local high school team had a very good, athletic catcher with a great arm. She caught almost every game last year. Up came a freshman who truly was that much better than her. The older, experienced catcher was either going to sit or play someplace else. But her bat and other skills were highly valued. The coach put her in center. She's a very good CF.
I was once a good hitting catcher. My problem was the travel team I was on had another catcher, one who had a decent major league career after our days playing together were over. The team valued my bat so I learned to play leftfield. That's the cold hard reality of competitive sports but I consider myself to have been lucky. Several other kids weren't invited to play with the team. And in high school, numerous kids who considered themselves to be quite good were cut from the team.
To sum up to this point, it is bad manners, bad etiquette, to get upset or make inquiries when you don't get to be the starter at your "chosen" position. That's true for players and more so for parents. In the real world and on the softball diamond, the coach picks who plays what, end of story. If you want to try to make what works for you in other facets of your life work with respect to softball or any other sport, you may suffer the consequences.
You shouldn't get upset about being "put in the outfield," especially not center. You have to make the best of whatever your situation is. That's a fact but it says nothing about how you speak to an 11 year old girl about it.
Please understand that what we're talking about here is perhaps more important than any other aspect of the games we play. I hope we don't have our kids participate in this game just to get scholarships or so we can maybe raise the next Jennie Finch. That would be a travesty. There's only one Finch. There are others who have achieved the same level and there are hundreds, perhaps thousands, who have earned full college scholarships. But if that is your aim, I can suggest several other endeavors in which your probability of success is much greater.
I think of this sport as the best (easiest) way to instill certain values and teach important life lessons to your children. There is no other place on Earth where you fail quite as abjectly or frequently yet have so much fun. Players learn the value of teammates - nobody ever wins a lot of softball games just because they have the single best kid in the universe or county on their team. It takes more than one kid to win most games. Players learn the value of perseverance - you strike out this time and next time it's a single, double, triple or homer. Players get to see first hand that mundane, repetitious practice can make you get really good at something. There are so many things you learn on the fastpitch diamond that I could write an entire book or several of them just going over each one in a cursory fashion. One of the more important lessons is the one about finding a way to contribute to the team in any way possible. If you don't have the opportunity to make a sparling defensive play that saves runs, get a hit with runners in scoring position. Or move runners along to get them in scoring position for the next hitter. Put down a good bunt. Steal a base. If you're playing the outfield and nobody is hitting you balls, be there backing up when there is an overthrow. The posibilities are endless. That's part of what makes this game great.
Now, how you teach your kid about these things, I can't really say. Every kid is different. What works for my oldest does not have any chance of getting through to my youngest. I have to find a way to communicate to each of them as individuals. My oldest already seems to have a sense about it being good and right to be on the field regardless of the position you've been assigned. She is a pitcher by trade but is remarkably happy if she gets to play third, or second, or right, or DH. She just wants to play and contribute. My youngest, on the other hand, does not yet fully understand that every position on the field is of value to the team. She's young and I'll take very opportunity I have to teach her that. It is a very important lesson.
In addition to what I've said to this point, I note that Debra's daughter is in the younger range of her age category. Every other year that is going to be the case. But at no time is the difference in the kids at the oldest and youngest ages within the range quite as evident as it is in the 10-14 age range. 12 year old girls are quite a bit more mature than 11 year olds. 13s are physically much more mature than 12s. If I had an 11 year old on a predominantly 12 year old team, I wouldn't want her that close to the batters to begin with. My 11 played some third last year and my fingernails suffered as a result. 12 year olds hit the ball hard, amazingly hard. Some coaches won't put an 11 year old in a 12U infield. But that probably doesn't take the sting out of it for Debra's kid.
I suppose I'm left in a quandry about what to tell Debra to tell her kid. I imagine she's tried just about everything I have suggested to no avail. I suppose she has exhausted every avenue. At that point I suggest she let her quit. But I wouldn't just let her quit the team. I'd make her quit the sport. If you can't learn the lesson that every position is of value, you don't belong in it. If you as a player or parent see being "put out" in the outfield as a bad thing, that's OK. Go ahead and quit. All I ask is that you do it in timely enough fashion so that I can invite one of the 30 girls I didn't ask to join the team. I'm certain that one of those girls would gladly accept your spot on the roster.Labels: parenting
Permanent Link: Give Me Infield Or Give Me Death
 
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