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Treat Your Guests Reasonably Well
by Dave
Thursday, August 07, 2008
There's a reason why we call players not on the normal roster who come and play for us "guests." They have been asked to come to our place as visitors and we are responsible for showing them a good time. You don't invite a guest to your home, ask them to pay for the pizza and then let them sit there, not knowing anyone, not getting into the social mix, and just winging it on there own.
There are a couple fundamental reasons to have a player come to one of your games/tournaments as a guest player. Perhaps you have something scheduled for the day on which some big "boy band" event happens to be in your area and all your players went to great lengths to procure tickets because the team didn't have anything planned - you forgot to send out that e-mail telling them that you had scheduled one more tournament. Maybe 5 of your players went down with injuries last week or are required to attend the field hockey clinic at the high school the same weekend you scheduled games. Or maybe you are not a huge fan of conventional tryouts and would rather see a player in live action before committing one of next year's roster spots to her. The nature of the circumstances under which a player is guesting usually determines proper etiquette. But whatever the circumstances, there is definitely an etiquette to follow.
I suppose having a player guest for a team as a means of trying her out is the easiest possible set of circumstances. You want to see her in action so you are going to play her at her preferred positions. That part is easy. But keep in mind that unless this girl already knows you and at least some of the kids on the team, she is going to be more nervous than she should be. This game is tough enough without having loads of peripheral distractions. The guest/tryout kid has to simultaneously show her stuff, get to know the girls on the bench, and also adjust to your coaching style. That's more difficult than "just playing the game." And the coach needs to consider some other aspects of the guest arrangement as well.
As a coach, you need to make her feel relaxed - you need to coach her (mentally) a bit more than you might normally expect to. You must take time to introduce her to the girls and explain the circumstance of her guesting. It would be great if you could explain things to your girls without the guest around and let them know that as much as the kid is trying out for your team, the team is also trying out for her. If this is a desired/recruited player, it would also be helpful if you spoke with team parents so they understand that they are also being "tried out" - they need to be at least friendly to the kid's parents. This can be complicated by the fact that one or more of the player-parent combinations is likely to view this kid as a threat. Sometimes, one of the coaches might perceive the kid as a threat to his or her kid's playing time. That can be very messy since the coach may want the kid to succeed a bit less, to say the least.
I have watched a few kids guest in this tryout scenario. In one case, the kid was very definitely desired for this particular team which happened to be a very good caliber 16U squad. She was a very talented catcher and the team needed to improve its depth at that position. Nobody so much as said "boo" to the father of the kid. She did happen to know a few of the girls though not particularly well. She pressed and was more than a little upset over her lack of performance at the plate. Still, her defense more than made up for that and my understanding is she made the team. Regardless of outcome, I believe things could have been handled better.
In addition to the high level of stress, as well as social and competitive aspects of a guest tryout, there is something else to be considered. Most of the time, the kid trying out for your team is on another team. Sometimes, she may have already come to an understanding with the coaches and players of her existing team. Sometimes she is in a circumstance in which she is basically sneaking around, behind the existing team's back. There isn't much you can do when the player is "secretly" guesting for you but you have to take at least reasonable steps to not blab this fact all over the place. You don't want to make such an issue of the kid guesting for you that everyone in the free world knows about it - her guesting results in a front page photograph in the local newspapers!
I know you are going to play this guest player because you want to see her in action. But before you invite her, consider who the teams you are expected to play are, where the thing is going to be held, and anything else which might cause one of her coaches, teammates, or somebody friendly with one of them to see her and announce to the world that she is tryiong out for your team.
I heard a story recently about a kid trying out at a high profile tournament in our area. She already was on a team which was pretty good but for several reasons, wanted to play for a different good team next year. They asked her to guest at this tournament without considering that it was scheduled at a time when nobody else was playing, everybody in the softball community would likely show up to watch, and other circumstances would conspire to cause this kid's guesting arrangement to become common knowledge. In the second inning, a little brother of one of the rostered players received a text message asking whether his sister's team had any guests playing for them. The message asked who was there besides the regular team. The brother replied "some girl named Sarah." By the fourth inning, some adults associated with the guest's existing team just happened to be out for a drive when they stopped by to watch a little softball. That wasn't the best circumstance for the guest girl.
Little things can sometimes mean a lot. I heard a story once about a kid on one team guesting for another at a tournament. The team she was guesting for arranged for her to have a uniform but the kid didn't have time to find sliders, socks, and she was forced to use her batting helmet, complete with the existing team's logo, etc. Those articles were starkly contrasted with the team's bland uniforms. Additionally, the game was played at a place where the guest kid's name would be announced by a PA system each and every time she came to bat! So this kid went out onto the field wearing a few articles of clothing which identified her as a guest. Then when she came to bat, she sported the batting helmet of her existing team, and her name was broadcast just in case nobody knew exactly who she was! At that game, there were only a few fans but one of them happened to have a friend who had a friend whose brother coached the kid's regular team!! Ordinarily, he might have said, "hey I saw a kid wearing your team's colors guesting for so and so." Then maybe word would get back to the coach and he would begin trying to investigate it to see who was unhappy. As it was, a quick mobile phone call was placed to the friend telling him the name of the kid. He called his friend who in turn called the coach's brother, who in turn called the coach. Before she had her second at-bat, her existing coach knew she was guesting for this team. It didn't take a genius to know she was trying out and the kid sat a bunch at her next couple of tournaments when she wasn't asked to join the team she guested for.
So much for guests trying out for teams. There are pitfalls to this arrangement but I suppose most people understand that going in. When the guest is coming because the team needs her, there are other considerations.
Normally, when a team is short a player or two, they will look around and try to find a kid who can fill a slot so they don't have to drop out of a tournament they probably have already paid for. Sometimes several guests are needed just to complete a tournament. If you've just got 9 or 10 kids available, usually there are not too many problems. But you must make sure your guest players understand what their commitment for that day or weekend is.
Once, I saw a team compete pretty well at a tournament, reaching the semi-finals. This particular tournament allowed teams to begin games with 8 players. That was a good thing because their guest player left between the quarter- and semi-finals because she had another important social engagement! She hadn't realized that the tournament involved two seeding games followed by elimination games all in the same day. She had no idea that the team needed her for possibly as many as 5 games that day and those would go until bedtime. She showed up for the 8 am game, stayed for the 11 o'clock one, was surprised to learn that there was another at 1:30 but stayed because she wasn't doing anything else, and then left before the semis because she was going to some boy band concert that evening.
On another occassion, a team had suffered a bunch of injuries and invited a girl to play with them. This particular girl was involved in other sports and did not have enough available free time to make a full commitment to a travel softball team. But she wanted to play travel because she was a gifted player who was bored out of her mind messing around with rec. The team would not have allowed her to play because of her inability to commit to the full schedule but they suggested that maybe she would like to play a few tournaments when they were convenient for her and the team had roster openings. All parties agreed and off they went.
The coach went over the schedule in detail with the girl and her parents. The next tournament would be her first guesting because the team needed girls due to injuries. The kid and parent agreed. As it happened, the team's schedule was a late starting one with the first game at 1:00 pm. They would play that game, then another at 2:45, and then the third seeding round game around 5:00. Elimination games would be the next day. This girl showed up late to the warm-up for the first game (ten minutes before the scheduled start) but the father let the coach know that she really didn't need a warm-up because she had just attended a 3 hour soccer workout. Then after the second seeding game, she told her father that she was tired and hungry, and wanted to go home. So they left and were not seen again until practice the next week! They didn't come back for the last seeding game and never showed up for the elimination round!! Yet she still showed up for practice because she and her parents assumed the arrangement was still in place!!! Something wasn't properly communicated by somebody.
In addition to communication of the exact nature of a tournament commitment, there are other responsibilities a coach needs to live up to when he or she has players guesting in order to field a team. The guest player is doing you a favor by being there. If it were not for her, presumably, you would not be able to play and your $400 to $500 tournament fee would simply disappear down the drain. So, you have got to play her. If you've only got 9 live bodies, that's easy. But if Sally decides that her seats for the Jonas Brothers weren't good enough for her to actually miss games, after all; if Jane decides her sore ankle or shoulder are feeling much better today; if Mary was merely confused about dates and actually did not have an out-of-state religious observance to attend, you've still got to play your guest player(s) while sitting rostered ones. If you feel obligated to play the rostered players while sitting your guests, you are doing a disservice to the kid(s) who came in order to help you and the rest of the team out of a jam.
I recently experienced a circumstance in which a couple guests players came to a tournament because the team thought just 8 of its rostered players would be available. Two girls from the existing team showed up and the coach now had 12 kids available. The guests sat the bench, ran for pitchers and catchers, got in a grand total of three innings worth of actual playing time each after driving a long distance to be there, and left angry. That's ridiculous. Mary told you she would be out of state. Jane was injured and couldn't practice all week - and never told you she was feeling better. Sally wasn't going to be there. It isn't the guest players' fault that two of these girls decided to show up. You've got to play the guests or you are not ever going to be able to get guests again. Word is going to get out that you do not treat guests as guests. Before long, everyone is going to know that you are a team which invites kids to sit the bench while your real players come and go as they please.
Finally, I have received a number of questions about how to treat guest players when they come more than once. I have had a few personal experiences in this area and here are some thoughts. First of all, in a "normal" tournament season of say 10 tournaments, you don't want to have a circumstance in which one kid comes and plays for you 4, 5, or 6 times while receiving use of a uniform free and not paying her share of the team's freight. It is bad form to ask a guest player to pay in order to play a tournament - yes, some folks have actually suggested that they ask guest families for a proportionate share of the cost of tournaments. That's like asking one set of guests at your annual party to bring the main course. Guest players don't pay. But when the same kid shows up for half your tournaments, all bets are off.
One year, I coached a team of not particularly very skilled players. At one tournament, we were going to be short a couple rostered players. A father approached me and told me he had found a kid to play for us. It was his daughter's friend who was on another team's roster but that team hadn't pulled together enough players to do many tournaments. She was looking to guests and maybe join us as a regular.
We got her a uniform, etc. and invited her to come to our next tournament. I played her every inning despite the fact that, had she been a member of the team, she would have sat at least a whole game - she wasn't that good and we had a total of 10 there. Before our next tournament, the father approached me again to let me know that she knew about our next tournament and he had arranged for her to be there. I wasn't too concerned because we could play her some due to the thing being on a very hot day and a kid or two from our usual mix being unavailable. When, before the next event, the father again approached me regarding his guest player, I got my back up.
I told the father who had orchestrated this guesting arrangement that, first of all, she wasn't particularly good and would have to sit significant amounts of time in favor of other players. He reacted strangely and told me I was wrong about the girl. So I began listing her mistakes including physical and mental errors. He backed off and was satisfied that he could change my mind at a later date, perhaps in the heat of actual games. Then I said, "hey look, this kid will have played more than half our tournaments so far. Guesting is one thing but playing for us, most of the time, while not having to purchase a uniform like everyone else, not having to pay the team fee like everyone else, not attending practices like everyone else, is just not going to work. At this point, she has to join us or not - she cannot just guest with us at every tournament while some kid who has paid and comes to practice sits." He claimed he understood and suggested I call the kid's father.
So I called and called while never connecting to anyone until, later that week, the father deigned to return my voicemails. I told him that if they were going to play for us, they had to join us and pay. The father said he understood but wanted to know if we could prorate the team fee. We had already played 4 of our 10, she would not be available for 2 of the remaining tourneys, and he wanted to pay 40% of the team fee while not purchasing the team uniform since we had, obviously, already absorbed that cost. I told him we don't do that. I didn't bother to point out that his kid had already played 2 of the previous 4 and that being on the team meant a full commitment, financially and otherwise. We agreed to part ways. And I believe the team father who had invited the "guest" harbored resentment against me for the duration of the season. I too harbored resentment because it was clear that the two men were attempting to manipulate me. They believed they could string me along and the guest kid could play with us while not paying her way. Live and learn!
In conclusion, a little common sense goes a long way. Guests don't pay. Guests do play even when that means rostered players who just show up because they feel like it have to sit. But guests who live in your house and eat three squares a day must pay room and board. If you've got guests trying out for your team, you need to use some common sense while not getting them in trouble with their existing teams. We coaches need to show guests a good time. That likely will require greater efforts than normal on our part. We must introduce them to our friends and neighbors. We must tell them when the party begins and ends - make sure they commit to the times we need them. And we murt remember that guests and fish share one thing in common, after three days, they both stink.Labels: youth tournament teams
 
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